Older Man Mishap?

So the DJ I had talked about in the last blog entry had asked me to come out to see him DJ this past Thursday night...so I did of course. The week had gone by though where neither of us had each others phone number and he didn't even know my name.

I danced with many different men/women of all ages and races that night and I had a total blast but of course I couldn't stop checking out the DJ and smiling at him and really only wanting to be dancing with him that night. Although the DJ had asked me to come out that night...I couldn't help but feel that perhaps he wished I hadn't. Toward the end of night I waited for him as usual because I wanted to spend some time with him just as we did last week. He claimed he couldn't hangout that long because he had to DJ for a wedding the next day...same excuse as last week of course. So as we walked out the door he got stopped by some people outside to chat for a second but I just kept walking to my car because well...I was feeling a little pushed to the side.

By the time I had gotten inside my car who do I see running up to my car... the DJ. So I smile and let him in my car. He finally gets my phone number and asks me my name as well. So I figure he'll call or text me soon as he proclaimed to do. He kissed me goodnight and then walked over to his car.

So the next night I go out to the bar knowing that he has to DJ for a wedding and won't even be at the bar(assuming of course). Turns out...he came into the bar as a local and not as the DJ...but did he take the time to call me or ask me out to spend time with me...no, he didn't. Of course I was feeling hurt and I had left the bar early that night, but I didn't even know he was their when I left until a friend told me they had seen him their. He was on the opposite side of the bar and didn't bother asking anyone about me apparently.

I really wanted to spend some time with him but I think because of our age difference...he's blowing me off a little because he's perhaps uncertain. Sure I'm an attractive girl and had hot looking guys pulling me in close to dance but...I only wanted the DJ. I'm not sure what he's thinking...perhaps he doesn't really want me after all. I figure next week...I won't be so nice, especially if he doesn't call me before next Thursday arrives...or I just won't show up at all next week and see how he feels about that. Lets just say if I do go...I'm going to pretend to not notice him and dance and be with any guy I feel like instead of waiting for the DJ to make up his mind or tell me how he really feels.

Dating Older Men

I've stuck a fancy for a man twice my age for the past year now. Whom until recently we ended up making-out in his car and what not (Reminding you that he's older than my mother and he has a 21yr old daughter that has a child, making him one of the most adorably-cute Grandfather's ever). We had never even made a real pass at one another before and I had always thought he was attractive although unsure if he had felt the same for myself.

Until two weeks ago when he announced outside around my moms friends and my mother that he wanted to give me a huge hug goodbye and gave me a nice kiss on my cheek goodbye. Sure their was no perversion or anything of that nature, just a kind hearted kiss goodnight as my friends and mother walked out of a bar we frequent. My mother saying out loud "Ohhh, he likes younger women!" (ha-ha).

I was totally thinking about that kiss he had added into the hug he so badly wanted to give me that night. My mind began to wonder of the possibilities of being with him and if their was more meaning to that kiss than just a kiss goodnight...also thinking that since this man works at this bar as a DJ, he has seen me with several other men closer to my age and what could be going on in his mind about me...if anything at all.

My mom has yet to discover is age and she claims that lately he has been showing interest in me, although we both noticed before he can be a little flirt although neither one of us could confess to having ever saw him kiss another woman on the cheek at that bar.

So the next week I decided to head back out to the bar and do things solo to see if perhaps...their was more than meets the eye. It wasn't too crowded that night and as he was DJ-ing, I stood 10ft from him near the dance floor as he looked over and smiled at me and I gave a smile and friendly wave to him. He approached me and making small talk about asking who I came with or something of that nature and I told him that "I came to see you, you don't see me with anyone else now do you?", he smiled and laughed a little as if to believe I was joking but replied "really?? No you didn't...?". I confirmed that I did and he hugged me yet again although he was a bit bashful about it but he also seemed happy...perhaps that a much younger woman he had seen for a year now had made a pass at him. He then urged me to kiss him if I really meant to come out to see him and him-alone tonight...I was a bit shy about it because he was still working and all...so I giggled and didn't kiss him but I told him I would later on. He was just like "see, I knew you didn't just come here to see me" with a smile on his face as he walked back up to the DJ booth looking over at me with a bashful smile in slight disbelief of what I had told him.

Sure my mom will totally disapprove if she finds out his real age but....I'm really starting to like him and I know he must fancy me too. So on that note...

-Is age really just a number?

-Will our age difference cause too much conflict between the two of us and eventually end abruptly?

-Should I follow my heart or my Family?

These are questions and topics that arise for many other woman out their and the best advice I believe a person can say is....to follow your heart. If you believe your family is going to disapprove just keep the new relationship on the "down-low". It's better to discover your relationship/s out for yourself and learn from experience than having to break-off something that could be a beautiful one. If things positively progress in the relationship, than deal with it than instead of stressing a lot over it now.

DEJA VU

Should past relationships be allowed to enter into our lives once again? Unfortunately this topic can only be broken down into a million questions depicting that past relationship.

Did the past relationship end badly?
Was it ever a good relationship for the most part?
Is it worth going through again?
Will the end result be a positive one?

We could create millions of questions to ask about rekindling an old flame but in the end…what is it your heart is telling you? I believe that’s the only answer to this question. I believe if you’re unsure and your heart is urging you to go for it…then just go for it, what do you really have to lose? Life’s too short to worry about what could’ve been. All we can do is live, love and learn from the experience and hope for the best.

WHO'S THAT LOOKING BACK

Most of us know people that are actually in love with themselves and think they're the "cats meow". I even saw an episode on Dr. Phil where one guy couldn't stop looking in the mirror and checking himself out. It was causing him huge relationship problems with his wife. I also saw a video clip of Paris Hilton who would walk anywhere on the streets and go straight to the nearest mirror or window that would show her reflection in it. It was a bit sickening how obsessed one person could be and I know Paris isn't the only one guilty of this act.

As I began to notice that some of us may perhaps be in love with ourselves a little too much I began to wonder if I in fact would even date myself. Sure that probably sounds a bit silly but seriously, would you take yourself out for a date? I mean sure some of us have days where we pamper ourselves with manicures or a little shopping spree, but if there was another one of you, perhaps in the opposite sex, would you in fact be your own perfect match? When I had first thought about this, I told myself "yeah why wouldn't I date me?" but when I really thought about it and thought of the negative things I see in myself, I wasn't so certain that I would. Sure I think I'm cute, fun, artistic and so forth, but I started wondering if the negative things I saw about myself outweighed the positives.

I even had a girlfriend that joined one of those online dating sites, I'm sure many of you know about those. Well my friend told me that after she had filled out hundreds of questions giving her honest answers and was ready to see who she matched with from her answers...she claims the dating website told her she wouldn't match with anyone. First off I find it hard to believe that a dating site is unable to at least give you a few people to date, but I suppose it's very possible that she did get those as her results. I mean some of us meet "the one" and for some they have several soul mates throughout their lives but not everyone finds a soul mate. Perhaps I don't have a soul mate either but, "what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger".

SECOND CHANCES

I'm not exactly certain that many of you or any of you out there have ever given someone a "second chance" at something. I am usually caught doing such acts as the "second chance" meaning you've forgiven another person for something for the first time thus giving them another chance. Perhaps I shouldn't be so forgiving since my past relationships have all failed me but deep down I suppose I'm a pretty forgiving person that just wants to get along with everyone.

To make a long story short, I apologized to the man I had been dating for the past two months and he apologized as well. We came to the conclusion that in order for us to ever have a healthy relationship we're going to have to communicate better with one another. If you ask me it's hard starting a new relationship because you want things to go smoothly but in some cases a lot of negative things may occur in the beginning and things that go unsaid because you don't want to doom this new relationship. With myself when all these negative things continue on and build up inside my brain, I eventually explode with negative feedback when pushed over the edge and it's not very charming.

Speaking of "second chances" I spoke with someone that I've really begun to like over the past few months and he mentioned to me about him being a bit hurt that I had picked another man over him. As it turned out the man I had been with, I believe he tried to play me for a fool of some sort and the man who is still a bit down about the whole thing has continued to talk to me and befriend me.

I really hope he can see things from my perspective and forgive me for the things I did because I really care about him, even if he lives a four day drive away. The relationship we have is a bit odd to me because even when we're single or when we're dating we always talk like we really want to be with each other even though I wouldn't go so far as to say that we're cheating since we've never met but, who knows what the future holds in store for both of us.

WRITE OUT LOUD

Two months ago I met yet another guy at a club that I frequent on Friday nights and needless to say the relationship didn't work out accordingly. Our true colors came out earlier this afternoon via text message when I hadn't heard from him in four days and took it upon myself to find out what his story was. It was unfortunate that I couldn't talk to my own Boyfriend about the "Asian Redneck" I was with that had ticked me off while in Orlando last week because my Boyfriend couldn't grasp the fact that I went somewhere with another guy. The guy I had been dating even took it upon himself to call me a "Player" today, but we all know "it takes one to know one". So other than the fact my Boyfriend was upset that I had gone away with another man for three whole days his other reason for being upset with me consisted in a box I had brought over to his home. I had brought an emptied eBay box from my house that I filled with several parakeet items from when I had parakeets so that he could use the items for his parakeets. He had gotten upset that I had taken it upon myself to take a black Sharpie marker and use it over the address that was still left on the box. I would never ask a person why they crossed their address off of something as he proceeded to do and I think it's only common sense as to why anyone would do such an act. I am single once more because I went on vacation with a male friend and I don't want people I barely know to have my address. Dating for me has become so ridiculous that I'm not even sad about this one and I'm starting to wonder if the only guys who are single are basically single for good reason. I think I just knew that this relationship wouldn't progress into anything more than what it was since I was slowly learning things about him that I didn't really like. As for now it looks like I'm off once more for my quest to find my perfect soul mate and try to see if I can accomplish my "25 year plan" as a friend so jokingly put it.